Soul searching

Lately, I’ve had so much on my mind; career. religion, social life, life in general ! It’s crazy how the moment your brain is free for a little bit, you start to think about everything. it has been extremely overwhelming. But I figure the best solution to some of my problems is to write about them. Maybe then I will find some answers. Now, to tackle these one by one.

Religion. I am a Catholic. My parents are both Catholics and raised my brother and I as Catholics. My extended family is pretty damn religious (probably really shouldn’t be saying damn as I’m writing about Catholicism…). I am talking about over-the-top yell and cry religious. I’m not judging at all I am simply painting a picture here but I am definitely not at that level. My parents have always believed that my brother and I should be the ones to decide (a) if we want to continue with our faith, and (b) just how religious we wan to be. I cannot tell you how lucky and blessed I am to have parents that are so open0minded and gave us the freedom to make our own decisions. Growing up I did go to Sunday Mass for many years. I was baptized at the age of 5 under the Catholic church but I was never forced to do my first communion and confirmation. I’ll be honest with you, there was a moment in my life where I didn’t consider myself a Catholic. I hadn’t gone to church in a very long time and I hadn’t truly prayed. I still believed in God (that’s never changed nor will it ever) but I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a Catholic (only during that time).

Everything changed when I became an Anthropologist. I began studying about all sorts of religions and beliefs. It intrigued me to learn about all of these. I liked the ideas and notions of some of the religions I was studying. During these times I didn’t truly consider myself a Catholic mainly because of everything that was happening with the Catholic Church but also because I just wasn’t so devote. I began exploring all sorts of different religions because of school but also I was “soul searching” (as cliche as that sounds). The funny thing is that even though many of these religions were interesting, none fully captured my hear like Catholicism did. I’m glad i explored many of these religions. It made me realize how much i missed and loved being Catholic.

I guess now I’m just looking for MY church. I do have a childhood church here but we mainly went to the spanish mass (which I don’t want to necessarily do) but also my favorite priest left. Right now I want to try this church my friend recommended to me. What I’m looking for is to be part of a community. I should say to be part of a Catholic community. I feel like its something that is missing in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and family and I love hanging out with them and being with them, but I feel like there’s something else missing in my life. I guess I’ll find out soon enough. 

~the real journey begins


About pensivenightowl

A recent college graduate, I am now figuring out what it's really like to be an adult. I am starting my new journey doing what I love to do most. Time to live !
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